I made the statement in ‘Pilgrimage. A very personal journey’ over a year ago when I was still living in the Tapovan district of Rishikesh, before I had worked through many of the very personal processes that still remained across the summer months. Come October and the lifting of interregional coronavirus travel restrictions in India, there came the unexpected opportunity to visit three of the four famous Hindu Chota Char Dham Pilgrimage sites of Gangotri, Badrinath and Kedarnath, located at high altitude in the Himalayas of Uttarakhand. These visits, as demanding as they were, were to mark the literal and symbolic high point and conclusion of that year long pilgrimage. When I had concluded them with the visit to the last temple at Kedarnath, I knew then that something profound had changed in me. And I also knew that it was time to return to the UK.
So, a full year on, and now in Nepal, how would I answer the questions I asked myself then? Would there be any significant changes? Not really, except perhaps in one, when I asked myself if I had found that ultimate goal, the ‘philosopher’s stone’ understood as ‘enlightenment’, or Moksha/Multi. Then I responded that I was very close, whereas now I must respond that I have indeed found that place. The Sufi mystical poet Rūmī describes it thus:
“Beyond Islam and unbelief there is a ‘desert plain.’ For us, there is a ‘passion’ in the midst of that expanse. The knower [of God] who reaches there will prostrate [in prayer]. (For) there is neither Islam nor unbelief, nor any ‘where’ (in) that place.” (1)
It has become my motto.
As someone who has had mystical experiences across their life, the progression of my own journey has been punctuated by occasional ‘visions’, by which I mean the apprehension of sacred truths, which, as I have attempted to describe elsewhere, I won’t repeat here (2). It might be very loosely compared to an orienteer finding the hidden token confirming their arrival at the conclusion of one stage of their journey and the clue for that which follows it. Each one is like a precious treasure, but also something to be worked with, not simply a kind of panacea.
The visits to Gangotri and Kedarnath in particular gave me the apprehension of having arrived at that place described by Rūmī, although I was always aware that I would have to deepen the experience and endeavour to stabilise myself in it, as the world exerts an immense gravitational pull, rather as a black hole does to an orbiting star.
Following my return from Kedarnath, I knew it was time to return to the UK, where I would have ample opportunity to have my state of enlightenment tested in many ways. Also, when you are back in the world and interacting with people in it, perforce you have to retrieve your old ‘identity’ and the personality that goes with it in order for people to recognise you. It’s like being naked at the altar of Ultimate Reality, but then having to put back on your clothes when you go back into the world.
For awhile, the intense and sublime experiences I had had in India subsided, which certainly felt very difficult; but I counselled myself that the changes I had made and the Truths I had seen were still there, albeit more remotely and not immediately apprehendable. Returning to the Indian subcontinent, to Nepal after the conclusion of my stay in the UK, I resumed my pilgrimage which I saw as being a next stage, a more advanced level, and set about engaging with a new set of experiences through the different journeys I made. In concluding them finally at Muktinath, I had indeed deepened that connection with the sublime heights of Self, symbolised so aptly by the ascent into the high snow capped mountains.
As you return to the world and the lower elevations, there are many times when the great Himalayan peaks are hidden by cloud, but, having seen them, having been to them, you will always know they are there and not merely hearsay or dream. And it gets easier and more customary to return, until you find you have made your home there with them.
This journey, although unquestionably difficult, has been so worthwhile. The experience of the Self, the way It feels, is beyond any words I have to describe. I would conclude therefore with the beautiful lines of the poet, philosopher and mystic Rabindranath Tagore:
“When I go from hence, let this be my parting word, that what I have seen is unsurpassable.
I have tasted of the hidden honey of this lotus that expands on the ocean of light, and thus I am blessed – let this be my parting word.
In this playhouse of infinite forms I have had my play and here I have caught sight of him that is formless. My whole body and my limbs have thrilled with his touch who is beyond touch; and if the end comes here, let it come – let this be my parting word” (4).
(1) Jalāl ad-Dīn Mohammad Rūmī https://www.quora.com/What-did-Rumi-mean-when-he-said-Beyond-right-and-wrong-there-is-a-field-I-will-meet-you-there. Correct translation by Islamic scholar Mohamad Ramadan.
(2) See the attached essay In Defence of Faith
(3) Photo of the Ganges at Gangotri courtesy of Sahdev Rana
(4) Rabindranath Tagore. Gitanjali. 96